Congratulations! You have just completed the most difficult and controversial week of our study of Sermon on the Mount! We will prayerfully and carefully dissect the verses in this section of chapter 5 in our small groups this week, and it will prove to be meaningful and applicable to our lives. I can’t wait to bring our insights together and see how the Holy Spirit will speak to us through God’s Word!

We will continue our theme this week on internal righteousness and Godly obedience that exceeds that of the Pharisees and teachers of religious law. We covered the two biggies last week – murder and adultery – and we learned that even with these two sins that seem so far from us, we must each be aware of the roots of these sins that need to be purged from our hearts. We need to understand that a half-hearted, minimal commitment to the externals for sake of looking good is not going to cut it. We are to seek to obey AND honor God, not just check off a to-do or to-don’t list.

This week, we will discuss divorce, swearing and making oaths, retaliation vs. turning the other cheek, and loving our enemies in our small groups. However, I want to focus on divorce in this week’s blog since it is such a difficult subject.

Divorce

I want to be tender with my approach here. I realize that this is a topic most of us have had experience with in one way or another. If you haven’t been through it, you may know someone who has. No matter how amicable the divorce was, and regardless of the grounds, it is still a messy and devastating situation for all involved. At times, I just wish this part of Scripture would go away so we wouldn’t have to talk about it. However, we need to approach this with the understanding that God loves us and has abundant grace for us, regardless of our situation. Everything in His Word is for our best, even the teaching on marriage and divorce, and we need to look at it that way.

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32 ESV

In the church world, there are times the divorced person feels shunned and labeled. Divorce is often looked upon as the “unpardonable sin.” Years after the individuals have moved on, there are legalistic judges who still feel the need to point fingers. Jesus, on the other hand, cleared up much confusion and clarified the Father’s heart regarding marriage and divorce.

The original law to which Jesus referred was given by Moses in Deuteronomy 24:1-4.

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies,then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 NIV

Here are some facts about this law:

Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. However, many men took advantage of this loophole and began casting their wives out on the street for someone new. This brought devastating results for the women who had no means to provide for herself, and often they were forced into prostitution to provide for herself. This was one way that a divorced woman became an adulteress, as explained by Jesus in verse 32 of Matthew 5.
If her husband cast her out but did not give her a certificate of divorce, she would not be free to be with another man who could provide for her. She would still be legally married to her first husband. This also forced her into adultery, and any man who tried to marry her also committed adultery.
In mercy, if her husband gave her a certificate of divorce, this set her free, and she could marry another man.

It is important to understand the cultural background behind this law so we can better understand what Jesus was saying. When He made this point, he showed that God values women, and that marriage is not to be taken lightly. It was not God’s intention when He designed marriage that it would be entered into or dismissed from casually. God’s plan was for one man and one woman to become one flesh, and to be committed to each other in a holy covenant for their entire lives. That is God’s ideal.

Unfortunately, the ideal doesn’t always happen. That is why Jesus specified the exception that allows for divorce. If one spouse is sexually unfaithful, that is grounds for divorce. That does not mean that divorce is mandatory, however. Often, infidelity can be forgiven, and the relationship can be restored. However, divorce is an act of mercy that protects the innocent spouse.

Many Christians fall into one extreme or the other when it comes to divorce.

On one end, they believe that there is never a justification for divorce, and they judge harshly anyone who has been affected by divorce. There is often whispering and gossip. Those who have been divorced, no matter how long ago it was, no matter what the reasons were, and regardless of God’s work in their hearts, are usually disqualified from serving in any ministry capacity. Someone could have been pardoned for murder and receive more mercy from modern day Pharisees than a divorced person will. The victims often feel the need to leave the very place that should be their safe refuge in such a time of turmoil. Oh, how this must grieve the heart of God!

On the other end, while trying to show the grace and mercy of Christ to divorced families, which is certainly the heart of God, some are afraid to speak the truth. They are afraid that if they speak boldly about what the Bible says about marriage and divorce, they will alienate or offend the majority of the people they are trying to reach. I can understand that, but the church needs to be sure to line up to the teachings of Christ as well as to express His heart. Speak the truth in love. We don’t have to condemn people while protecting a God-ordained institution.

So, what is God’s view on marriage?

Marriage is between one man and one woman, and it is intended for life.
Husbands and wives must strive to make it work, with the help of God, and with all their might. This is a solemn covenant before God.
The main point Jesus was making is that marriage should be taken very seriously, and not flippantly as it had been. Burning biscuits or aging are not grounds for casting a wife out on the street to fend for herself.
Divorce is last resort and should not be considered until every other avenue to reconcile has been attempted.
The reality is that not every marriage is going to survive, whether or not we agree with the reasons. Not every marriage is ideal. One spouse may be unfaithful, and it may become necessary for the other to leave the situation for safety or sanity. That is the sad truth.
God has allowed for an exception for divorce in the case of sexual unfaithfulness. Divorce is not required in this situation, and restoration is possible. However, divorce is permitted if necessary.
If you are in an abusive situation, you must get out and get help immediately. This is a form of desertion, and it is certainly unfaithfulness in the marriage. Be safe!
For serious issues, such as adultery, pornography, immoral or criminal behavior, substance abuse, habitual lying, mistreatment and abuse, unwillingness to work or provide for the family, desertion, or neglect, you must set boundaries with consequences. You do not have to accept or tolerate such behavior. You are not a door mat, and you do not have to be overpowered by a bully. Submission does not make you helpless or vulnerable to evil. You are a daughter of the King and you are strong and wise enough to stand up to immorality and abuse. You can set boundaries and establish consequences.
Some will say that the above situations are grounds for divorce, but Jesus does not address these specifically. There are people much smarter than I am who know how to answer these situations, but they do not all agree on the interpretation. That is why you must “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” Do some research, and get some good counsel before taking a drastic step. Try less invasive measures first.
Some will argue that when Jesus said that to marry a divorced woman is committing adultery, that he is talking about a woman who has been cast out of the home without a legal certificate of divorce. However, some interpret this to mean that all remarriage is wrong. Whichever camp you are in, know that God can forgive, heal, and restore you whatever your situation. If you are remarried, God does not want you to stay stuck in the past, but He would want you to invest in your current marriage. Start where you are and move forward. God can use this for His glory.
Each situation is unique. We don’t have to know why someone divorces. We don’t know what someone had to live with. It is none of our business, and they don’t need us to either approve of or condemn them, even if the divorce was not biblically compliant. It is between them and God alone. So, no judging allowed!
Our attitude toward the divorced person can be summed up with one word, GRACE. God will judge any sin if needed, but our place is to love and show grace. This is different between speaking the truth about marriage and divorce in general. I am talking about our attitude toward the people involved.
If you have been through a divorce, whether you are the innocent party, the one who initiated it, the one who was abandoned or cheated on, have been abused, or even if you left for silly reasons, you must understand God’s viewpoint. God does not label you, reject you, condemn you, abandon you, or disqualify you. He forgives and restores. He can take all the shattered pieces and make a masterpiece out of it. He can use your situation, whatever it is, for His glory. God can make all things new!

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:3-9 NIV

Week 5 Assignments

Read Matthew 5-7
Study Week 6: “Secret Righteousness,” pp. 74-89; Matthew 6:1-18
Attend a small group.
Watch my video for this week.
Memorize this week’s Bible verse, Matthew 6:1 ESV:

Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.

Week 5 Discussion Questions

Here is a sneak peek of the questions we will be discussing this week in our small groups.

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5:32 ESV

QUESTION 1: (Day 2) How does Jesus’ teaching on divorce in Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:3-9 stand in contrast to the way people view marriage and divorce today?

QUESTION 2: What would you say, as a representative of the heart of Christ, to someone who has been through a divorce? (Regardless of the reason for their divorce.)

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, ‘Do not take an oath at all…’

Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” Matthew 5:33-34a, 37 ESV

QUESTION 3: (Day 3, p. 66) Restate in your own words what you think Jesus means by, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than that comes from evil.” (Matt. 5:37)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. Matthew 5:38-39 ESV

QUESTION 4: (Day 4, p. 68) What is accomplished by “turning the other cheek?” What is the risk?

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” Matthew 5:43-44 ESV

QUESTION 5: (Day 5) What are some practical guidelines for showing love to our enemies?

QUESTION 6: What has personally impacted you the most in this week’s passage of the Sermon on the Mount?

Reading Schedule

Skip Week 1 in the book; Optional video
August 28 – September 3, Study Week 2: “Who Is Blessed?” pp. 14-29; Matthew 5:1-12
- Small groups: Introduction. No need to ready anything ahead of time.
September 4-10, Study Week 3: “A People of Influence,” pp. 30-45; Matthew 5:13-20
- Small groups: Discuss Week 2
September 11-17, Study Week 4: “You Have Heard That It Was Said…” Part 1, pp. 46-59; Matthew 5:21-30
- Small groups: Discuss Week 3
September 18-24, Study Week 5: “You Have Heart That It Was Said…” Part 2, pp. 60-73; Matthew 5:31-48
- Small groups: Discuss Week 4
September 25 – October 1, Study Week 6: “Secret Righteousness,” pp. 74-89; Matthew 6:1-18
- Small groups: Discuss Week 5
October 2-8, Study Week 7: “Where Your Treasure Is,” pp. 90-105; Matthew 6:19-34
- Small groups: Discuss Week 6
October 9-15, Study Week 8: “Do Unto Others,” pp. 106-121; Matthew 7:1-12
- Small groups: Discuss Week 7
October 16-22, Study Week 9: “A Foundation That Endures,” pp. 122-137; Matthew 7:13-29
- Small groups: Discuss Week 8
October 23-29: Catch Up Week and Finish Study
- Small groups: Discuss Week 9

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